Thursday, January 30, 2014

Motherhood Big Ones

When I had my first child, Ashlyn, I was on Google almost every single day trying to figure out the 'techniques' to raise her. Ya know, sleeping schedules, bottle feedings, interactive activities, and when to start doing what. I find myself on there a lot, even now, with my second child. Lots of things I read were on Baby Center and I would scroll through ALL the comments that mothers had on each post to get a good feel of the general consensus. 

The point is, when you're a new mom; you're just trying to figure everything out. All of a sudden you're raising an actual human. It's a lot of pressure. So, I'm going to start a little 'series' of the Motherhood Big Ones and tell you what worked for me. I'm in no way saying these are the magic ways of baby-land. I learned these things through lots of trial and error and they may not work for you or your baby, but they worked for me. Let's start with the HUGE one...

Breast Feeding or Formula:

I may lose some 'followers' for this one, but I only breast fed my first child for 6 weeks and my second child for 2 weeks. I am entirely impressed by women who breast feed for a whole year or longer. People, these women deserve some sort of award!! People never tell you how freaking hard breast feeding is. It is really hard. I know, nothing is too hard for your children. Blah. It was so excruciatingly painful that I cried almost every single time my kids ate. I dreaded them being hungry. When they would cry, because they were hungry, I started to resent it. I could handle the physical pain (sort of), but the resentment I started to feel was no good for either of us. I was unhappy about it. So thats when I made the decision to switch to formula.

Maybe I was a bit selfish. I had just carried a baby for 10 months! (40 weeks is 10 months-not 9!) I wanted my body back to myself. My babies became my whole world and I wouldn't ever change that, but I wanted my body, I didn't want to have to share it anymore. 

The world will make you feel like a loser for using formula, so just be prepared for that. Lactation specialists will make you feel like you're feeding your baby cigarettes (that's literally what my lactation specialist said to me in the hospital, with my 1 day old baby). I pretty much never tell anyone I formula feed, because I don't even want to hear their reaction. You will feel like the only one in the world feeding your baby formula, but I know the stores aren't restocking the shelves solely, because of me.

Ashlyn, my two year old, doesn't have a bottle anymore; I switched her to milk when she was one, but she was formula fed for 11 months of her life. She's happy and healthy and only had breast milk for 6 weeks. Tristan is a happy, healthy almost 6 month old boy and he only had breast milk for 2 weeks. I don't feel like either of my children feel I love them any less for not breast feeding.

What they say about dropping the weight faster when you breast feed is not accurate, from my experience. I think it differs person to person. It's all about your genes, your age and your drive to get the weight off. So, don't breast feed just, because you want to lose weight. 

Some women have a magical experience with breast feeding and feel more connected with their baby and see it as the most beautiful, natural thing there can ever be in this world. I wish that was me, but it wasn't. I'm here to tell you; don't feel guilty if you don't have that magical experience. It doesn't make you less of a mom or less connected to your baby and Lord knows, motherhood comes with enough guilt already, don't feel guilty about this.

 Now, I'm not trying to say I'm  anti- breast-feeding, obviously. I'm actually one for natural things, so obviously breast feeding is the natural way to go.  I recommend it, but if you are unhappy, because of it, I do NOT recommend it. It's true what they say, a happy Mom, makes a happy baby! Don't be miserable breast feeding just, because you feel all the pressure from other moms telling you to breast feed or you want to lose weight faster.

What I'm saying is, do what is best for you. What makes you happiest will be best for your baby. If you're breast feeding don't condemn those of us who choose to use formula. If you use formula, don't make the women breast feeding feel weird when they're feeding in public. Mothers need better camaraderie, especially in this area. 

So here's to you; you breast-feeding goddess you! And you, you formula-feeding, fantastic mother, you! We're in this together. Either way, we both have babies screaming at us to eat :). 


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