Some Words You Might Need To Hear

One of my very best friends is pregnant, and I'm almost more excited for her, than I was when I was pregnant with my own kids, almost! Anyways, I know when you're pregnant, there are a million questions floating around your head, all day, every day, like "Can I really do this? How is this baby really entering the world, because it sure as heck isn't really coming out of you know where! And how do I keep an actual human alive?" Along with all the little questions, like, "What's a swaddle? Can I even change a diaper? Where should this baby sleep?" So, I want to share with you, some words you might long to hear, while you're pregnant and the first few weeks with your new baby. 

"The name you picked, is perfect."
I worked in a restaurant, while pregnant, with both of my kids, and I was amazed at the amount of people that gave me feedback about what to name my baby. Complete strangers thought their opinion mattered, when deciding the name of my baby, which their opinion didn't matter, but when your hormones are in full swing, you take what even strangers say, personal. Point being, I wouldn't share the name you choose with any one, because there is ALWAYS going to be some one that thinks there is a better name out there for your kid, but guess what, it's YOUR kid and there is NO better name, than the one that comes to you for your little bundle of joy.

"You are prepared!"
Your mama bear instincts kick in as soon as you are certain there is a baby inside of you. You want everything to be perfect and you want to make sure your baby is coming home to the most prepared nursery there has ever been on the planet. I'm here to tell you, just breathe. You are prepared and if you do actually forget something, there are things called, stores, you can go grab what you need and your baby will survive! You will forget things. My husband and I forgot my daughter's stroller on our first outing as a new, little family and we went to downtown Disney! So he had to carry her car seat all around, all day long. It was pretty hysterical. We felt like complete failures, but looking back, we just laugh! Such a new-parent move. Our daughter lived through the traumatic experience though ;) 

"You look absolutely, radiant."
For real, your body will not ever be how it was before pregnancy. You can drop the weight, work out, and look absolutely magnificent, but it will not be the same body you had before. I truly believe the first month with your new little baby is pure magic. You can't even explain it. Knowing what the experience is like, I seriously, think women look absolutely beautiful while they're in it. Tired eyes, a rounder face, no make-up, pony tail day in and day out, and an exhausted smile, but that smile is so pure and so full of contentment and bliss, it is absolutely breathtaking. Embrace your new body and your new tired self and on the days you don't even want to look at yourself in the mirror, I think, you look absolutely gorgeous! 

"You are so impressive."
The first few weeks are a blur. You'll be delirious, it's pretty painful, and you're learning the ropes, but you will be very impressed with yourself. No one ever tells you how painful it is, because you forget, because you are in a new kind of romance with your baby. But the first few weeks, you're learning to breast feed (which hurts), learning to sleep at odd hours (which hurts your mind), and learning to balance life and a baby (which is confusing). Through all the pain and confusion, you will be entirely impressed with yourself. Your baby will be happy and content, fed and warm, you'll get a few things done, and you'll share moments you can't even believe are real, because they are so beautiful. You're a mom now and I know, you are doing the very best you know how to do each day. If that means you were only able to brush your teeth by 2pm and keep your baby alive today, I am impressed by you and you should be impressed with yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself; you've got this and you are impressive!

"Your husband still sees you as his beautiful, wife."
Remember the center of your universe before your baby? Yeah, not many women do, but it was probably your husband. He helped create this magical little being and took a beating by you and your hormones for a solid 9 months, so try to remember to pay a little attention to him. Through out your child's whole life, it is the easiest thing to forget your significant other, because it's seriously, your human instinct to spend every waking ounce of energy on  the new life you created. You will never want to leave your little humans side, but you must force yourself to spend alone time with your husband. In the end, it's vital to your child's happiness too, because happy parents, make for happy kids. You and your husband will probably go to dinner and all you'll talk about is your new baby, and you'll reminisce about the cute, noise they made that afternoon. That's how pathetic you'll be, but you won't want it any other way. Just remember, your husband still thinks you're beautiful and he needs a little TLC every now and then. 

"This is the best time of your life."
I feel like a lot of internet stories and young folk, who don't want babies at the point they're at in their life, put being a parent down and sometimes, you can start to feel like you're missing out on something, but you're not. Your life is so full of love, a kind of love you don't even know exists until you have a child of your own. The days are long and draining, but you'll look back on them with such fondness, so much fondness in fact, you'll probably make another baby! (Ha). So, try to embrace every moment, the years fly by! If you have a hard day, remember tomorrow is a new one, and you'll long for this time back, when your kids are out on their own! 


Babies have a way of making everything new again and bringing you right back to what's important in life. I think, the most sacred thing we have is time and babies make you spend your time wisely, with lots of loved ones. Just remember, you'll figure it all out and you're doing just fine! 

Moms Don't Get Anything Done.

I recently had an epiphany as to why I don't get the laundry done during the day, the dishes put away, and can barely get dressed in the mornings. It is, because those things have moved down on my list of things of importance. The moment my kids wake up; it's all them, for every moment of every day. 

I don't even make them wait 10 minutes in the morning so that I can brush my teeth and get dressed. I pop up and practically run to their rooms when I hear them in the mornings, because I can't wait to see them and their sweet little smiles. Then I sneak in the brushing of the teeth and putting some jeans on an hour or so later. 

I don't feel a sense of urgency to clean anymore. I know my children's tiny hands and feet aren't going to be this tiny, even by, tomorrow. They are different, bigger people day by day and I want to soak them and all their tininess in. All their growing and learning and looking at me for a little smile or nod of approval. I am there, all day, every day. It drives me crazy, a lot of the time, but I know, it is the best for them. 

So here is why moms "don't get anything done":

- We have to paint our daughters nails "spawkly" (sparkly) when she asks.

- We must high-five our two year old at the end of her long run across the sectional couch.

- Our sons eyes gaze all around the room just searching for eye contact. We must be there so his search is successful.

  

- We sit on the floor and enjoy every "Oooh" and "Aaah" for a scene, in the movie, the kids have seen 100 times.

- We answer any and every question. Do you know how many questions a kid can ask?

- We have to snuggle, snuggle, snuggle, and snuggle some more and squeeeeeze their warm little bodies.

- We have to drape our daughters blanket over things creating new forts through out the whole day.

-We lay on the floor all the time, simply so our children can feel our presence next to them.

- We have to cut their apples and try to feed them their "recommended amount" of healthy.

- We have to make 3 pots of coffee! 

- We change diapers.

- We kiss ouchies and tell them it's OK when they take a tumble.

- We encourage them in everything.

- We give kisses, hugs, and hand-holds.

- We get them "cozy" for nap time and bed time.

- We make sure they have all their favorite toys and stuffed animals, there are specific ones for bath time, car rides, and bed time, duh!

-We push them too fast in strollers, on the carpet, in the house.

-We need to gnaw on their chubby cheeks and thighs and smother our faces in the sweet little hairs on their head.

-We get things 'un-stuck.'

-We play endless peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek.

-We tell siblings to not poke each other in the eyeballs, no matter how loving the poke actually is.

-We review all works of art, which are all, of course, masterpieces! 

- We dance; whenever dancing comes over our two year old, even with no music.

- We teach please and thank you and that we should brush our teeth and hair in the mornings.

-We talk in silly voices, that are just embarrassing, to hear those soul-soothing giggles.

- We go outside. We inspect every little thing with our curious, little ones. We hold rock after rock, because our daughter thinks each one is special and wants them to sleep on our porch.

- We make silly faces all day long.

-We say the word "silly" way too much.

-We take lots of pictures capturing their innocence and sweet, sweet baby fat.

- We hold our youngin's for hours at a time. Why not enjoy the holding, instead of annoyingly doing things with one hand?

-We have to stare, literally stare, at our children all day long. We don't want to miss a thing now, do we?

We do much more through out the day,  but these are just some tid bits. Yes, I may have some dishes in my sink, laundry on my couch, and unbrushed hair until about 11 am, but I'm not missing moments that only happen now. I will never look back on this time and regret the dishes in the sink. I would regret missing a high five from my two year old daughter when she feels some sort of triumph or walking right by my 6 month old son and not notice his beaming smile.

Mothers realize how important these little moments are with these little people. So the fact, we don't get "anything done" doesn't bother me and my fellow mothers, it shouldn't bother you either. Soak these days in! And enjoy a large glass of vino, once the kids are in bed, and you're running around catching up with chores or don't catch up at all and enjoy another glass :). 

Learning To Love

I've seen lots of posts on love lately and thought I'd make a post about the love I'm familiar with. From my experience, there are three types of love; reckless, guarded, and liberating. And they come in that order. 

Reckless love is that first love you have in life. You have no jaded past, no expectations, no scars from previous failed relationships; you just love. With everything you have! I'm pretty sure every one thinks they're going to end up with their first love forever, because it's the first time you feel that intense feeling. You want to spend every waking moment with them and throw all other aspects of your life to the wind. If you're with that person, nothing else matters. Time goes by too fast and you have way too much fun. 

This is the love they show in the movies, but this type of love only comes once. After your first hard fall for some one; you change as a person and your perspective on love starts to form. Some people end up spending forever with their first love, but it's rare. Most of us; the relationship ends one way or another. It could be the most cordial split, but it's still going to leave you with a few scars, because it's your first failed relationship. You never go into another relationship with the same reckless abandon, which sucks, but also helps you grow.

After your first relationship doesn't work out (and I'm talking full-blown, hard love relationship--not like your 2 week fling), then you hit the guarded love level. This is where you try to love and pretend you're in love and act like you're in love, but you just can't really feel it with your whole mind, body, and soul. It's just kind of there, but it doesn't leave you feeling very satisfied. Lots of times it doesn't leave you satisfied, because you have built ginormous brick walls blocking anyone and everything from hurting you again. Because your first heart break is like Whoa! I legitimately think people can die of a broken heart, that's how bad the pain is.

People are usually picking up the pieces and not completely whole when they enter into these guarded love relationships. They'll go through the motions, but they won't allow themselves to feel it. They won't allow themselves to be vulnerable, because it's just too dang scary when you've had a taste of heartbreak. You could have something really great that will just go to waste, because you're too scared to be that in-love again. 

I lived in this guarded love phase for a while, even with James. I was scared. I knew he was awesome, I knew I really liked him, I knew we had great chemistry and great compatibility, but to be completely vulnerable...no, thank you! Even when I knew my heart loved him, I fought myself about it. No, no, no, I can't feel that again. Too scary for me.

James continued to crack my barriers; brick by brick he was breaking my walls down. (Sidenote: Ladies- the right one will break you. They will fight for you; walls, insecurities, flaws, and all! So don't lose hope). James continued to pursue me (plus, we got pregnant. Ha!), and he pointed out my walls and my weaknesses (in the kindest way possible--a growing way), so that I could recognize them and learn to be vulnerable again. It took a long time and trust me, he's still working on a few of those walls, but most of them have been broken through. Which, has delivered us into the third, most beautiful kind of love!

Liberating love. Ah, just saying those two little words puts a smile on my face! It's a great place to arrive at after 4 years of hard work. And we're still working--we'll be working on it forever, but we know that. If you don't take care of something it grows wild or dies. You have to maintain things--same with love. Liberating love is the kind of love you get when your walls are down again and you are committed. We can have a huge disagreement, but I know at the end of it, we'll still be there for each other.

Liberating love sets you free and inspires you. You want to be the best version of yourself for the other person and for yourself. You feed off each other's goal and visions. You admit when you mess up. You learn to fight nicer. You respect each other. Bad-mouthing and not answering calls when they come in are a thing of the long ago past. If James calls, I answer. If I'm talking about him with some one, they are nothing, but words of respect and admiration. We're free. There's no hiding things, no keeping up with exaggerated stories or lies. It's honest. It's humbling. It challenges you. It's the best kind of love there is. 

It's a conscious decision every morning to love. We have long lengths to go, we have issues and arguments and it's hard work, but we're in it. Our love makes me better and it's liberating.

 

A Letter To My Daughter

If you have kids, you know all about that crazy parent-love, especially coming from a mother. I'm not knocking the fathers here, my kids have an incredible Dad, but there's just something about that Mama Bear instinct and unconditional love. You cannot describe it. It's like you think you have a tiny grasp of what love is and then you have a kid and you're like 'Oh! This is TRUE love in it's PUREST form.' It. Is. Awesome. 

Anyways, sometimes I find myself staring at my children almost in tears at how beautiful their little souls are and how perfect they think the world is. Now and then the thought crosses my mind, what if something happens to me and I'm not around to show them my love? (Worst-case scenario thoughts come frequently as a parent). Any hoo, with these thoughts I've begun to write letters to my children (hand-written), but I thought I'd give a little glimpse of what they look like. I think one of the most important things a parent can give their children is the FEELING of their unconditional love and support. You can love your kids with your whole body and soul, but if they don't feel it, it's not going to do them that much good. Writing is my natural way of getting feelings out; conversations conveying exactly how I'm feeling are much harder for me. So, here's a letter to my precious 2 year old daughter, Ashlyn.

Ashlyn,
    Tonight, after we put Tristan to bed, I asked if you wanted to help me vacuum. You, exclaimed, "YES!" while throwing a fist in the air. (If you could continue this into your teenage years, that would be stupendous)! As I was vacuuming, you were dancing all around the vacuum and running in circles around me in complete and total bliss. It was one of those moments, I thought, 'Wow, my two year old really has things figured out.' If you have that much joy running around a vacuum cleaner, you know what you're doing! I sincerely hope you carry that kind of bright-eyed joy and curiosity with you throughout life. 
      After vacuuming, I was turning on a movie for us to end our day to (You are now on a Finding Nemo kick, but these change about every 3 days). I glimpsed into my room and you were putting 5 stickers on one of the walls. You put them up, then took them down, over and over again in different lines and patterns. Each time, you were so proud of yourself. I sat watching with an undeniable smile for about 10 minutes. All I could think about was how your world is so perfect right now. 
     All you cared about were those stickers, they made you happy and you knew you were good at putting them on the wall. No one had to tell you how amazing you were at that. It made me want to put you in a bubble and keep you there forever. I don't want any one to ever put doubt in your mind about the things you can or cannot do. I don't want you to ever feel you need approval from others to feel proud of your accomplishments. 
     You were so beautiful in these moments, because you were just purely you. Your true beauty can never be defined by the inches around your waist or whether or not society approves of your style. This will be something I will reiterate throughout your whole life, because frankly, the world has produced some messed up images of what "beauty" looks like. I cherish these simple nights with you more than you will ever know. These are the best days of my life. Love you, sweet girl. -Mom, Mommy, Mama. 

Now, this was just an average night, but I just loved it so much, I wanted to capture it. I want Ashlyn to look back when she's older and remember, life isn't so hard. Keep it just as simple as putting stickers on the wall. These are the mundane nights of parenthood you just thank your lucky stars you get to be a Mom! Hopefully, she likes my letters when she's older and doesn't think I'm a weirdo, but if she does that's OK too :). 

FOOTBALL and My Beloved Grandfather.

I know lots of people that are obsessed with football and I know lots of people that think it's a ridiculous sport that people take too seriously. Both valid feelings. I am on the side of minor obsession. I grew up in a "football family." Literally, football was almost a way of life for us. Growing up, every weekend, I was at some one's football game. Whether it was at my own high school, watching my brothers, watching my cousins, or going to a professional game. My weekends were all about that pigskin! 

Our whole family's love of football came from the patriarch of our family, my dear grandfather- Wayne Sevier. This post is somewhat a tribute to him and the amazing man he was and the game he loved ever so deeply.

My grandpa was our family hero! Especially to all of his grandchildren. We thought he was just the greatest. He was also an NFL special teams coach. He coached numerous teams, but was most successful with the Washington Redskins--winning two SuperBowls, going to three with Joe Gibbs. My family still roots for the Redskins (it's been pretty painful for years now). 

I feel like an old man with the way I look at football. I have a deep appreciation for the game and am not really into all the 'hot-dogging' and dancing after good plays. Something my grandpa taught me was to do your job, be the best at it, and stay humble. I've learned to really admire a humble person who is the absolute best at something. Pretty much the opposite of SeaHawk's Richard Sherman's post game interview (although I get his adrenaline was pumping). 

My Grandpa was one of those men that walks into a room and everyone notices. He had the brightest smile and was so encouraging to everyone he talked to. He truly, had a heart of gold. He had a knack for bringing out the best in people. Bringing out that fire and passion...and competitiveness. Oh boy, was he competitive. That's trickled down the family line, for sure. Family Madden games have gotten pretty feisty. I've learned to tone down the competitiveness a bit, but still find myself saying "Beat ya!" to my fiance, probably a little too much and I don't think a little trash talk here and there ever hurt anyone ;). 

My Grandpa died of a heart-attack at one of my cousin's football games. Now that I'm older, I am very grateful that he died watching one of us playing the sport he loved in the city he loved with family near. He was only 58 years old and it shook our entire family. Though, it was one of the saddest times in my life thus far, when I think about that week he passed, I actually have really fond memories. My family--parents, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents--were inseparable for a few solid weeks and we had many laughs telling stories of our wonderful Grandpa. We also watched Tommy Boy, which I highly recommend if you need a laugh in a depressing time. 

My Grandpa's funeral was just how it should have been. Hundreds of people came and instead of mourning his death, we celebrated his life. I was so touched and fascinated by person after person coming up to the podium and telling hilarious stories about pranks my Grandpa had pulled, encouraging words he spoke to people at just the right time they needed to hear them, and left over desires to compete against him one more time for one more chance to try to beat him. My Grandpa loved to win and he was good at it! 

The reception after the funeral was at Qualcomm stadium (the Chargers stadium in San Diego). It was pretty much an over-sized tailgate party. So, so perfect. Me and a few of my cousins had to go to the bathroom--the only place to go was the bathroom inside the stadium. So a few guards on duty let us in. We were the only ones in the entire stadium. We could not resist...down to the field we went! 

The rest of my family caught on and more of my cousins and brothers flowed into the stadium. I remember standing in the middle of the field, looking up at the whole stadium, completely empty and just smiling. I felt my Grandpa there with us. We all started running end-zone to end-zone. One of my uncles starting yelling, "They could go all the way!" It was so surreal. Running back and forth on the field my Grandpa had coached on. I could almost hear my Grandpa cracking up with his infectious laugh. Definitely a moment, I will never forget and will always appreciate fondly. 

My Grandpa has planted the seed in my soul to strive for greatness and for the love of a little game called football. I still see football as more than a game. Especially now, I feel like it's some sort of portal to hang with my Grandpa on the couch and enjoy a good game and Mountain Dew! My Grandpa used it as a metaphor for life. The team has to work together, give everything they have out on the field, not only for themselves, but for their team. You have to work at your game and practice. You have to encourage the people around you and always, always do the best you can.

 All of these are true in life; work hard--whether you're sweeping a floor or making multi-million dollar deals, do the best you can at it! Encourage the fellow human beings around you; it inspires them and actually does good for you as well. Don't half-ass in the game of football and mostly, don't half-ass in life. Give it all you've got! So, with all of that said, I'll be rooting on the Broncos this coming Sunday, drinking some Dew, eating some cheeseball (great family recipe) and remembering my awesome Grandpa and the game he loved. Happy SuperBowl, friends! 

Two Superbowl Rings :)

The CardBoard Box Theory; How To Tell If You're Really Happy

Sometimes life gets complicated. Here's an easy thought to figure out if you're happy with some one in your life. 

Little back story: I grew up with 2, younger brothers and tons of cousins always around. It felt like I had tons of siblings. We were all so close and saw each other all the time, not to mention we actually loved spending time with one another. We hung out by choice, not just force. 

Anyways...I remember, one Christmas I had gone about an hour away to one of my cousin's other relatives houses for a short visit. On the way home, it was raining, and we were stuck in major traffic. I kid you not, I was so happy, that we hit traffic! I had been having so much fun with my cousins in my aunt's van that I didn't want the trip to end. We were all snuggly inside with the heater on, sharing blankets and stories and laughing hysterically! I thought, "If we were driving home, right now, to a cardboard box, I would be just as happy, because I love these people and I have them in my life!" Now, fortunately we had a cozy home full of Christmas presents, food, warmth, and comfy couches we were headed to. But if not, our laughter and love for each other would have warmed that cardboard box right up! 

I continue to have this thought through out my relationships in life. I stop and think, "Would I be happy stuck in a cardboard box with you?" If the answer is no, maybe you should re-evaluate the relationship. Of course, no one would be happy forever living in a box- so don't get all cray cray here. Just think; if the world stripped you of everything, except the people in your life and tossed you a box. Would you be happy with the quality of your relationships? To my friends and family; if all I had were you and a cardboard box; I know we'd make that thing homey and move it somewhere with a stellar view. I would be happy. People are all that matter in your life; nourish them and your relationships. 

Walk.

Take a walk.

Walks are way underrated. Take one. It will clear your head and fill your soul. I have two little people that happen to be my favorite walking buddies.