Reckless love is that first love you have in life. You have no jaded past, no expectations, no scars from previous failed relationships; you just love. With everything you have! I'm pretty sure every one thinks they're going to end up with their first love forever, because it's the first time you feel that intense feeling. You want to spend every waking moment with them and throw all other aspects of your life to the wind. If you're with that person, nothing else matters. Time goes by too fast and you have way too much fun.
This is the love they show in the movies, but this type of love only comes once. After your first hard fall for some one; you change as a person and your perspective on love starts to form. Some people end up spending forever with their first love, but it's rare. Most of us; the relationship ends one way or another. It could be the most cordial split, but it's still going to leave you with a few scars, because it's your first failed relationship. You never go into another relationship with the same reckless abandon, which sucks, but also helps you grow.
After your first relationship doesn't work out (and I'm talking full-blown, hard love relationship--not like your 2 week fling), then you hit the guarded love level. This is where you try to love and pretend you're in love and act like you're in love, but you just can't really feel it with your whole mind, body, and soul. It's just kind of there, but it doesn't leave you feeling very satisfied. Lots of times it doesn't leave you satisfied, because you have built ginormous brick walls blocking anyone and everything from hurting you again. Because your first heart break is like Whoa! I legitimately think people can die of a broken heart, that's how bad the pain is.
People are usually picking up the pieces and not completely whole when they enter into these guarded love relationships. They'll go through the motions, but they won't allow themselves to feel it. They won't allow themselves to be vulnerable, because it's just too dang scary when you've had a taste of heartbreak. You could have something really great that will just go to waste, because you're too scared to be that in-love again.
I lived in this guarded love phase for a while, even with James. I was scared. I knew he was awesome, I knew I really liked him, I knew we had great chemistry and great compatibility, but to be completely vulnerable...no, thank you! Even when I knew my heart loved him, I fought myself about it. No, no, no, I can't feel that again. Too scary for me.
James continued to crack my barriers; brick by brick he was breaking my walls down. (Sidenote: Ladies- the right one will break you. They will fight for you; walls, insecurities, flaws, and all! So don't lose hope). James continued to pursue me (plus, we got pregnant. Ha!), and he pointed out my walls and my weaknesses (in the kindest way possible--a growing way), so that I could recognize them and learn to be vulnerable again. It took a long time and trust me, he's still working on a few of those walls, but most of them have been broken through. Which, has delivered us into the third, most beautiful kind of love!
Liberating love. Ah, just saying those two little words puts a smile on my face! It's a great place to arrive at after 4 years of hard work. And we're still working--we'll be working on it forever, but we know that. If you don't take care of something it grows wild or dies. You have to maintain things--same with love. Liberating love is the kind of love you get when your walls are down again and you are committed. We can have a huge disagreement, but I know at the end of it, we'll still be there for each other.
Liberating love sets you free and inspires you. You want to be the best version of yourself for the other person and for yourself. You feed off each other's goal and visions. You admit when you mess up. You learn to fight nicer. You respect each other. Bad-mouthing and not answering calls when they come in are a thing of the long ago past. If James calls, I answer. If I'm talking about him with some one, they are nothing, but words of respect and admiration. We're free. There's no hiding things, no keeping up with exaggerated stories or lies. It's honest. It's humbling. It challenges you. It's the best kind of love there is.
It's a conscious decision every morning to love. We have long lengths to go, we have issues and arguments and it's hard work, but we're in it. Our love makes me better and it's liberating.
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