Soul Mates

The more I live this life, the more I believe in soul mates. Not just "the one" soul mates, but all kinds of soul mates. Think about how many connections you have with people in your life right now, don't you think you've had at least a few of those connections with those souls before? 

They're the connections that just come easy. You bump into each other and it's like, "Finally! My life is a little better now, because you're back in it and you get me."

Haven't you ever met some one and instantly smiled when your eyes met theirs? Like they set your soul on fire with just one glance. It's a fleeting moment. As if your souls have met hundreds of times, but it's new to you. It's as if something from deep inside you asks, "Where have you been? I've been missing you. No one can make my eyes sparkle the way they do, with you in sight." It's a moment of feeling found; so beautiful and so explosive- like a falling star. The moment engulfs both of you.

You can't pull away from each other. It feels like you have to catch up on lifetimes of stories; on the memories you made without one another. You talk and talk and talk. Before you know it, the sun is rising. You watch the reds and golds paint the ocean and the stars fade out, so the sun can shine. You watch that persons face move, from the glow of the moonlight, to the bright beams of honesty. You see that person and that person sees you. You're not scared of them. You told them about all of your deepest secrets and everything that scares you, within the first few breaths of conversation. It's raw and it's real and it begins...

It begins; the memories, the stories, the moments, that you'll have to catch up on the next time your souls find each other again. 

Brave Love

The business of heart aches has been brought up a lot recently, around the tables I sit at.

While heart ache teaches you a few valuable things, in the most painful way possible, it also leaves you with a big, bold scar. The kind of scar that you don't even bother trying to hide. People can see it from miles away. People have a different look about them once they've had their heart genuinely, broken. 

It's a pain you move on from, but does it ever really heal? You move on from the person that caused that aching, but do you ever really move on from the hurt that your fragile human soul felt? I'm not so sure. 

If you've ever talked to some one about their first heart break, you can see it in their eyes. It can be years later and it's not that they're stuck on that person, it's that; just the memory of that kind of pain almost brings it back to life again. It's the pain of a small piece of yourself wilting away. A little piece of the love you offered to the world just dropping to the cold ground, petal by petal. You're dying for that one person to come water that piece of you and bring it back to life, but they just watch you beg for hydration. Then, that part of you dries up and is gone forever, as if it never existed in the first place.

It's sad. And you're never the same again. You grow and mature from it, but you're a little jaded and a little skeptical and a little scared. 

I often think of the girl, before I was scared. Before I knew how badly a little heart could break. 

Do you ever think about all those un-broken hearts out there? It's so beautiful.

Those hearts are like new frying pans. Clean and crisp. Nothing has ever been burned on them.

Like the piece of hair you always miss when using a curling iron. It goes without heat and stays exactly where it wants to be.

Like an Evergreen, that never loses its leaves. 

Like new Chucks, still in the box.

Like a book you've been eager to read, but haven't turned a page.

Like a love letter you can read over and over again, because it's so eloquently written.

All these things are beautiful, clean, unwounded, unscarred, but are they fulfilled?

I'd like to think the frying pan wants to smell fresh scrambled eggs in the morning, that it helped create, that piece of hair wants to get curled every now and then and pushed out of it's comfort zone, that Evergreen would like to feel the wind with a bare branch, without the interruption from it's leaves, those Chucks would like to stomp through the mud, dance in the moonlight, and get a little dirty living, that book would love to feel a hand turn it's pages and see the emotion it generates, and that love letter would like to be put down. It would like you to know that love isn't always eloquent, but it's messy and there will be things scratched out, misspelled, and parts you can't even understand until you read it over and over and over again. 

Yes, I often think of the girl that was unwounded; unscathed by harsh words and lack of tenderness and then I think of the girl after. The girl with walls and an ever lingering doubt saying, "Will I feel that again? Will that pain haunt me again?"

I much prefer the girl after.

The brave girl.

Yes, after heart break, comes bravery.

You know the risks, you know the pain that might await, and yet, you decide to love again. 

The love after you've had your heart ripped out is brave love. 

It's the most powerful love out there.

The world can change with brave, love. Don't be scared. Love again.  

To The Guy Who Keeps Asking Why and To The Girl That Answers.

To the guy who asks why she's taking so long.

Why she's wearing a plain old sweatshirt, when the other girls are dressed fancier.

Why she never wears lipstick.

Why she buys so many books, but never gets around to reading them.

To the guy who asks why her hair is always up.

Why she can never get to bed earlier.

Why she's built a wall.

Why she cries. 

To the guy who asks why she thinks she deserves her wildest dreams.

Why she can't rest her mind.

Why she gets her feelings hurt. 

Why she is the way she is.

Why?

Because that's her. And she is not for you.

She's for somebody else who doesn't ask why, he knows why.

To the girl that is constantly answering the question, "Why?"; he doesn't get you. And there is a man out there that, not only gets you, but will awaken you, to getting to know yourself. 

Stop answering to, "why?"

Love Is Like The Ocean

Love is like the ocean. 

The ocean isn't a fairy tale, but isn't it a beautiful wonder? 

It's full of deep, dark secrets.

It's full of the most luminous colors.

The waves crash, gripping to the sand, just hoping to feel it's warmth for a second, before its ripped back into the cold blue depths. 

Have you ever thought about the ocean water that tickles your toes, in the golden sunlight? It's the same water that's been to the pitch-black, bottom of the ocean.

Sometimes it's calm and sometimes it's raging. 

Sometimes it goes easy on you and other times it plunges you to the sandy ground and all you can do is hold your breath, look up, and wait for it to find peace again. 

Love is the same way. It's not a fairytale, but it's beautiful. There are dark times and then, there are the brightest of times you wouldn't have been able to imagine. In the bleak times, you support one another and keep faith that you'll be on the warm shore again soon. 

People need people. If you're stuck at the bottom of the cold ocean, there's no way you can swim up to the top without some help. The person you love is supposed to help you and that's not being weak, that's being bold. 

"Until we have seen someone's darkness, we don't really know who they are. Until we have forgiven someone's darkness, we don't really know what love is." -Marianne Williamson

You must trudge through the dark to find the light. The darker you've seen, the more able you are to appreciate your love and light.

So, no. Love is not a fairy tale. It's like the ocean; ever- moving from dark to light and back again. The only way to swim through it is hand in hand. 

Eat. Drink. And Get Married!

I really use my blog for personal epiphanies, the big life questions and motherhood, of course. I never really get too personal with what's happening day in and day out, because I feel that would be a mundane blog to read. Point being, I actually got married last month! Which, you may not have had any idea that I was even engaged or not married, seeing as I already have children. So, surprise! 

This post is about my wedding day and while, I had the most perfect day, looking back there are a few things I would have done differently or made sure had been discussed beforehand. So if you're engaged this one's for you! 

Stick to the TRUE you.
Thanks to Pinterest, The Knot, and just the good ol' world wide web in general, you can literally go crazy planning a wedding. There is a way to personalize everything at a wedding, from the chairs down to the napkins. If you browse too many of these websites, you can feel overwhelmed quick and start thinking you need place cards, a huge fancy cake, hanging chandeliers, and a $10,000 dress to make your day perfect, but most of us don't need any of that. 

Weddings have gotten this crazy hype in the 21st century. It's like who can have the biggest, best, most over the top wedding and that's not what weddings were intended for. If you're an over the top gal or guy, then go for it, but for me; I had to remind myself, I'm a truly simple being that wants a simple wedding. 

So my advice as you start to plan this magical day is: think about the essence of you and your fiancé. Capture it with a theme or color scheme. Look at Pinterest once or twice for a few ideas, but don't keep going back. Ideas will just come to you organically, from your base idea. Remember what counts and if you forget something, it obviously wasn't that important. 

Only invite people that you or your fiancé could sit and talk with for hours. 
Mine and James' wedding day was so filled with love. I could literally feel the love beaming out from James and ALL of our guests. When I walked down the aisle, I was giggling a little bit, because I could just feel all the warm wishes and love all around me. It was so so special and I think it's, because we knew everyone. And I mean knew them. Even our photographer and DJ were good friends of ours. It was so personal and made the day even more cherishable. There were a few people on my side and a few on James' side that either of us weren't too close with, but they were surely people I'd love to sit down and talk to for as long as they wanted to talk to me, because they meant so much to James. 

So I wouldn't worry about inviting your mother's fourth cousin, Billy Bob. If you have a hard time locating some one's address, they shouldn't be invited, because you obviously do not keep in touch. Invite people who have shown their support through out the years and you know, truly wish you all the best. 

Hotel Staying.
If you are staying in a hotel for your wedding, check in at least 2 days before the big day. I checked in the day before and it was a little hectic. The second I got to the resort, I was in the "I'm getting married" bliss and any stress melted away, so if I could do it over, I would have gotten there a few days earlier. 

Also, I know lots of places the cut off time for the reception is 10 pm. 10 pm comes in the blink of an eye. If at all possible, I would try to negotiate with your venue and keep the reception going until midnight or plan a place for everyone to go after (like a hotel room-haha)! I was hanging with friends, playing drinking games in my wedding gown until 3 am, and it was awesome. All my husbands best friends and all my best friends were in the same room just having a blast! 

Pick the dress YOU love and do your hair the way YOU want it.
I didn't really have an issue with this, because I'm pretty stubborn and when I want something a certain way, it sure as heck is going to go that way! But, I have a few girlfriends that did their hair a certain way, because people they care about put forth their opinions and they wanted to be respectful and courteous, but they look back and wish they had done their hair how they wanted it. I also picked my dress out all by myself, which sounds depressing, but it was nice, because I picked the dress I absolutely loved and didn't have clouded judgement by others opinions. So, just make sure your hair and make up are exactly how YOU want it, and make sure you take supportive people that realize it's not their wedding, it's yours, when picking out the dress of your life :). 


On the day.
For real, this day NEVER happens again. I almost want to cry thinking about it, because I want to go back (ha)! But seriously, everything is going to unfold and if something goes wrong, you can choose to focus on that and freak out and lose sacred moments of a spectacular day, or you can realize nothing can really go wrong on that day. All the other stuff- where the flowers are placed, how quickly the food comes out, if the candles get lit, if the power goes out on the DJ for 10 minutes during your Money Dance, if the seating chart is a little messed up, and if the strongest winds to ever grace southern California appear (all happened at my wedding)--all of that doesn't matter! 

Looking back, I can notice where things went "wrong," but on the day, I was so oblivious. It feels like a dream. The best dream ever, where ALL your loved ones are at the same spot, at the same time and you get to dance, laugh, and drink with them, all night long, whilst looking into the eyes of a person that wants to go down the road of forever with you. I mean...gosh...how could you let a little wind ruin that? Some one could have pushed me in a pool and I think I would have laughed! Point being, embrace every single moment. 


Things I'm Thankful For on the Big Day.
-No one brought any "problems" to my attention. A groomsmen's tux was delivered in the wrong color, my minister (cousin) was running a little late, and a few other little tid bits, but NO ONE told me about it, which is awesome. I was sipping on a mimosa, stress-free! 

-Getting a slurpee at 7-11 with my maid of honor at 9 am. Kept me grounded and relaxed! 

-Getting a starbucks delivered to my room, from my husband, with a cute note on it. And continuing to receive cute notes through out the day. After all, the day is just about me and him committing to one another and those little surprises kept me focused on what was important that day.

-Personally knowing my vendors and officiant. I was married by my cousin and one of my very best friends took our photos and video. It made the day even more special and real to me. I just couldn't picture a stranger speaking about how great mine and James' love was, when they would have had no actual clue. I'm very thankful it was such an intimate time from walking down the aisle til the end of the reception. 

-ALL the support I felt. I have the absolute best friends and family. People were swinging by my room all day long, while I was getting ready, and it didn't stress me out, it excited me. Everyone who came in was so warm and supportive! Especially, all my bridesmaids and maid of honor. I had the best day with them and it seemed like they were feeling the butterflies with me, which made it all the more special.

To sum it up. 
-Don't get too big for your britches. Everyone is doing their best to make your day wonderful, so don't turn into a psycho that loses friends. 

-Go with the flow. Things are going to go wrong, who cares! 

-Soak it all in. 

This day is magical. Stop and realize it :). 

The Thing About Flaws...

The thing about flaws is everyone  has them and yet, everyone judges people based on them. 

Let's change that.

Flaws are tricky things. Obviously, they aren't good. I don't think anyone has ever been proud of a flaw they have. Unless, you're one of those people who likes to state, "This is who I am, take it or leave it!" That'll get you left real quick! Not that you should feel like you need to change for some one, but there is always room for improvement. And if it's difficult for you to figure out where you can improve--start with your flaws! 

Flaws are usually innate, within us, and hard things to change. 

Two of my biggest flaws are not being able to readily, apologize and being ridiculously, stubborn. I know, aren't those ugly? 

Recognizing your flaws, starting to figure them out, noticing when they pop up--that's owning them and trying to improve upon them. People know their own flaws. They don't need anyone else to point them out or make them feel bad about them, because you know who feels the worst about them? The people who have them! 

Nobody is perfect. So instead of idealizing people who "are" and trying to obtain some unreachable goal physically and mentally, why don't we get more realistic with each other and accept flaws? Then, flaws won't be so scary. It'll be like "Hey, that must be hard. Let's try to fix that together." That is the kind of Kumbayah world I'm envisioning, people! 

Flaws do not define a person. Some of the best people I know in this world, have the worst addictions. There's always a few nicks on a heart of gold, but that doesn't take away from the beauty of the gold. 

Don't miss out on the true beauty of a person, because they have a hard time losing weight, they're quick to a temper, they're stubborn, they're addicted to something, they're workaholics, they're too hard on themselves, or they shut down. Forgive them for their flaws, trust that they are, indeed, aware of them and working on them and enjoy that person and all that is unflawed about them. 

Creating Your Own Luck

I really believe life is all about the small things and actually slowing down to notice when something magical is happening. 

Recently, I went to the movies and while I was in the bathroom, before the movie started, a penny fell out of my pocket. It landed tales side up, which everyone knows is not good luck, unless it's heads up. I thought, some one might kick this thing, it will eventually be on heads and some one will see it, pick it up, and get a good smirk out of the hope for good luck. So, I left the penny on the floor. 

Then, I went to watch the movie. 

After the movie, I had to go to the bathroom again. The same stall I went in, before the movie was available, so I went in. 

And there, on the floor, was my own penny, on HEADS. 

When I left it, it was on tales. I left it with good intentions, that some one else would find that little baby on heads and they'd be happy about it. And it ended up being myself, happy about my own penny. So, ya see, sometimes when you wish good for others, it comes right back to you, faster than you can even imagine! You create your own "luck" and happiness. You just gotta stop to notice it :). 

Don't Compare Your Love!

Last week I wrote a post on technology and what I'd rather my kids see, besides constant new gadgets shoved in their face. This technology take-over has been on my mind a lot lately. I got to thinking about love and social media and our constant keeping up with everybody. I think it's honestly making people less happy in their relationships. (I'm sure I'm not the only one who has come to this conclusion).

Think about it; you're in a relationship- the first few weeks, months, maybe even a year you get to snap shots of the bliss you're in, post kissing pictures, pictures of all the places he or she takes you, and you get to change your relationship status on FaceBook (FB official- it's a real thing). The beginning of a relationship is always great (if it's bad from the get-go...RUN!) 

But then, real life starts happening, especially at the age of 25+. Family problems, money problems, you notice he doesn't hang his wet towels and he rubs his toes together weirdly when he watches TV. Before you know it, you're sitting there with a few problems in your relationship, staring at his toes with your eye twitching, while just casually checking your Facebook. You see post after post of "happy", so "in-love" couples and you start to think, "I deserve that! Why don't I have that?" And you start to trick yourself! 

It's an epidemic! Two things happen: It turns people selfish in their relationships and it starts a pattern of forever-chasing that picture perfect bliss.

So #1: The selfishness- When you see pictures of all the things you don't have, you start to get bitter and completely miss what you do have. I feel like people start to think I don't get this and I don't get that, when any good relationship partner focuses on what they can give. It's all about giving, y'all. Don't worry it's not your fault- when you see pictures of girls getting roses every freaking day, you are bound to be like, "Wait...I like roses..." But let it go! And honestly, if you want more roses, give more roses! The person you are with will catch on.

And #2: The Pattern- Social media is like a poison to your relationship if you don't regulate it. Sounds dramatic, but it's true. When you're mushy, gushy stage is over and you hit the real stuff, the nitty-gritty, dig down deep, unconditional love stuff; people bail! Then what do we see? The next mushy-gushy stage with another dude/dudette 5 weeks later. Then repeat. It isn't healthy. You can't chase that feeling forever, well yes, actually you can, but if you stuck it out, you'd see the feeling, after the hard stuff, is when you feel a person's love and it's pretty remarkable. 

The point is social media is the greatest tool to compare. That's all we're really ever doing on there. Comparing our lives to other people's. And I'm just saying, stop. 

Don't compare your love to any one else's. Not on the web and not in real life. All kinds of love last. There are the high school sweet hearts, the college best friends, the co-workers, the couple that met on an airplane and got married 2 weeks later, the guy that cheated, but his wife forgave him and now they're happier than ever, the couple that argues all the time, the couple that never argues or even raises their voices, the person that said they'd never get married and now they are your token married friend, the person who dated countless faces and finally found the right one, the old woman and young guy, the couple that got pregnant at 15 and have been married 40 years, the bad guy and the good girl, the snobby, yachting couple, the homeless couple, the couple that "never should have made it," because they went through too much, but there they are, there they all are; happy!!

Your love is your love. Only hold it to your heart's standards. If your heart is happy, forget the rest. Forget the statistics, what "usually" happens, the judgements, the eyes of disapproval. That doesn't matter. Your hearts happiness matters. So quit comparing your love and just live it. 

And here are some of those pictures, I'm telling you to ignore...except we've been through some real ish. We've made it through the crappy, back to the mushy gushy and I'm sure we'll do it again!

Finding The Courage to Do Good

One of my new year's resolutions was to actually compliment strangers when I pass by them and think, "What a cute scarf!" or "Love how she did her hair!" Who doesn't love to hear they look nice? I've always been too shy and embarrassed, for whatever reason, to give strangers a compliment. Even when I'm with my good girlfriends, half the time, I think of a compliment while conversing with them, like, "Her eye liner looks so good today," and I forget to actually say it. Anyways, I've been working hard on saying it. 

Then, I realized, I can take this to the next level and do it. I can be a doer, whenever the opportunity presents itself. Brene Brown, author of The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly (and another book, I don't have), inspired me! I saw her on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday (Sorry if you're an anti-Oprah peep, but I think she's great) and I am obsessed with this show! I am enlightened every Sunday, it's awesome. Brene Brown was on and talking about vulnerability and how it is actually the door that leads to everything. Being some one who has always had a hard time feeling vulnerable in any situation, this really resonated with me and made so much sense! I could go on and on about all the awesome input about life she shared, but the main thing is you need to be vulnerable to get to courage and courage can take you places you can never, even imagine! 

So, then I found myself leaving the grocery store parking lot. It was pouring rain here, in Austin, Texas. There was a man walking through the parking lot and I could tell he had no place warm he was headed to. The rain was just pounding him in the face and I just drove right on by. Then I looked down in my driver's door pocket and saw an umbrella. I thought, "Gosh, I should have offered him that. Oh well." And I drove a little further. Then, I thought, "NO! This is an opportunity. Opportunities come in little moments and that was a moment you just missed!"

 So I turned around looking for the guy and it was like he disappeared! So then I thought, "Crap! I just totally failed a test the universe threw at me. That was some angel and I suck as a human being!" But then, thankfully, I saw him! He had started to head through some trees and I zipped up by the curb and started yelling, "HELLO!!" He turned around and headed towards my car, I held out the umbrella and just said, "Do you want this?" He was so shocked. He replied with, "Are you serious?" "Yes, I don't need it." Then his eyes lit up and he said, "We need more people like you." Then he walked off with his umbrella opened, shielded from the rain :). 

Ahhh, yes! Courage for the win!! Now, I'm not telling this story to get a pat on the back, I'm just telling it, because even though, I was very nervous and uncomfortable, basically following a homeless man, I made myself vulnerable in that moment and ended up with the courage to offer him an umbrella and hopefully made his day a little better. 

I feel like, everyone (especially, me) thinks there is going to be some big moment to prove themselves as a great human being. Some heroic circumstance, where you prevail, but that's not the case. It starts in very small instances, in your everyday life. And you know what the awesome thing is? You make some one else's day better, but you actually feel great about yourself  as well. It makes you feel so good, that you want to do more of it! And then bam! All of a sudden, you're a great human lending a hand left and right and making your immediate world a better place and inspiring others to do the same and it just snowballs! 

So the point is, be vulnerable and be courageous. Work on it. They are not innate features; they are attributes we need to work on. Happy Monday, Bring the Happiers :). 

The Qualities of a Good Man.

Despite all the "they're all the same" mentality that flies around the world these days, I still have faith that there are good men and good women out there. I'm a lucky soul, who knows quite a few of them. If you have a pattern of not finding these types of people, it's time to reevaluate yourself--more on that in another post later! Anyways, I've miraculously ended up with a man, who is beyond good and has taught me a few key qualities that good men will have. I thought I'd share them with you, that way if you're still out on the prowl, you can keep them in mind. 

A good man will:

1. Be willing to wear the baby papoose. 
Seriously though, if you're with a guy and you know if you ever had kids together, he wouldn't strap one of those things on and carry your child--run for it! A good guy will not only willingly carry the kid when you ask, he will offer, because 1. He's proud of his family and 2. He knows it hurts your back and you deserve to stare at your man carrying your baby :). 

2. Compliment you.
This sounds so simple and boring, but compliments are hard to come by for a lot of women. You should be with a man that tells you, you look phenomenal when he's thinking it. Or lets you know how proud he is walking into a room with you by his side. Compliments go a long, long way and they should come when you're all dolled up and when you're in sweats with stinky morning breath. Also, they shouldn't just pertain to looks either. Some of the sweetest, most memorable compliments I have gotten from James are about my mind, thoughts, and ideas! 

3. Make your life easier.
This is especially important if you're considering 'forever' with some one. This doesn't mean there is absolutely no disagreements. This means the guy actually tries to help you out. Examples: If you're not a morning person and he lets you sleep in when he has a few spare moments one morning (this is really only if you have kids). If you're having a casual conversation in the morning and randomly say "I've been craving Chinese food" and then that night he brings Chinese food home for dinner and you think he read your mind, because you don't even remember mentioning it. If he opens your doors, lifts heavy things, kills spiders, and takes out the trash.

4. Listen. 
Ever been with some one and you feel like you're talking to a wall? Yeah, that's not the person for you. A good guy will listen with eager eyes about your crazy dreams and ambitions. He will actually have a response, besides "that's cool," or "it is what it is."

5. Believe you. 
Thanks to Google and everyone having a smart phone these days, I feel a lot of women face the annoying situation, where men check the factual statements they've made. If you say something, that you know is a fact, and your man pulls out his phone to double check (not in a playful way, but in an annoying, I don't think you're smart enough to know that way), then this guy is an idiot. You need to be with some one who believes you. And if he doesn't believe you, he has an engaging, playful argument to prove you wrong without putting you down!

6. Make time for you.
If you feel like you can never get a hold of some one, then don't. A good man will make time for his woman. James and I have two kids and he's in a new career and I'm dead tired by the end of the day, but he still finds moments to make time for me. Example: I was cleaning like a mad-woman after the kids had gone to bed one night and he turned off all the lights in our place and started blasting Blake Shelton- Sure Be Cool If You Did and started dancing with me in the living room. A good man will make moments with you! If WE can do it, with our crazy lives, any one can do it! 

7. Make you laugh.
You gotta find a guy that makes you laugh! It is the BEST. James and I laugh every single day. Like laugh-out-loud laugh. I know a lot of people chuckle here and there or get a smirk of happiness, but have you laughed lately? The guy doesn't have to be a comedian either, he'll just get you, he'll get your humor, and he'll make you laugh. Hold out for that. It's awesome. The second time I ever hung out with James, we were eating ice cream and I swear ice cream was coming out of my nose and or dripping out of my mouth, because I was laughing so hard and trying to keep composure and you know when you try to keep composure so you end up looking even more awkward and uncomposed? That was me. Laughing hysterically with ice cream spewing from my face-holes. That's love :). 

Of course, there's tons more about how women should be treated and yada yada, but these 7 things have left me feeling very satisfied in my relationship. I also think women should try to be all of these things to their men as well. When you give, you get, just remember that. 

A good man, may look similar to this...

Cheers to finding those good men!

Learning To Love

I've seen lots of posts on love lately and thought I'd make a post about the love I'm familiar with. From my experience, there are three types of love; reckless, guarded, and liberating. And they come in that order. 

Reckless love is that first love you have in life. You have no jaded past, no expectations, no scars from previous failed relationships; you just love. With everything you have! I'm pretty sure every one thinks they're going to end up with their first love forever, because it's the first time you feel that intense feeling. You want to spend every waking moment with them and throw all other aspects of your life to the wind. If you're with that person, nothing else matters. Time goes by too fast and you have way too much fun. 

This is the love they show in the movies, but this type of love only comes once. After your first hard fall for some one; you change as a person and your perspective on love starts to form. Some people end up spending forever with their first love, but it's rare. Most of us; the relationship ends one way or another. It could be the most cordial split, but it's still going to leave you with a few scars, because it's your first failed relationship. You never go into another relationship with the same reckless abandon, which sucks, but also helps you grow.

After your first relationship doesn't work out (and I'm talking full-blown, hard love relationship--not like your 2 week fling), then you hit the guarded love level. This is where you try to love and pretend you're in love and act like you're in love, but you just can't really feel it with your whole mind, body, and soul. It's just kind of there, but it doesn't leave you feeling very satisfied. Lots of times it doesn't leave you satisfied, because you have built ginormous brick walls blocking anyone and everything from hurting you again. Because your first heart break is like Whoa! I legitimately think people can die of a broken heart, that's how bad the pain is.

People are usually picking up the pieces and not completely whole when they enter into these guarded love relationships. They'll go through the motions, but they won't allow themselves to feel it. They won't allow themselves to be vulnerable, because it's just too dang scary when you've had a taste of heartbreak. You could have something really great that will just go to waste, because you're too scared to be that in-love again. 

I lived in this guarded love phase for a while, even with James. I was scared. I knew he was awesome, I knew I really liked him, I knew we had great chemistry and great compatibility, but to be completely vulnerable...no, thank you! Even when I knew my heart loved him, I fought myself about it. No, no, no, I can't feel that again. Too scary for me.

James continued to crack my barriers; brick by brick he was breaking my walls down. (Sidenote: Ladies- the right one will break you. They will fight for you; walls, insecurities, flaws, and all! So don't lose hope). James continued to pursue me (plus, we got pregnant. Ha!), and he pointed out my walls and my weaknesses (in the kindest way possible--a growing way), so that I could recognize them and learn to be vulnerable again. It took a long time and trust me, he's still working on a few of those walls, but most of them have been broken through. Which, has delivered us into the third, most beautiful kind of love!

Liberating love. Ah, just saying those two little words puts a smile on my face! It's a great place to arrive at after 4 years of hard work. And we're still working--we'll be working on it forever, but we know that. If you don't take care of something it grows wild or dies. You have to maintain things--same with love. Liberating love is the kind of love you get when your walls are down again and you are committed. We can have a huge disagreement, but I know at the end of it, we'll still be there for each other.

Liberating love sets you free and inspires you. You want to be the best version of yourself for the other person and for yourself. You feed off each other's goal and visions. You admit when you mess up. You learn to fight nicer. You respect each other. Bad-mouthing and not answering calls when they come in are a thing of the long ago past. If James calls, I answer. If I'm talking about him with some one, they are nothing, but words of respect and admiration. We're free. There's no hiding things, no keeping up with exaggerated stories or lies. It's honest. It's humbling. It challenges you. It's the best kind of love there is. 

It's a conscious decision every morning to love. We have long lengths to go, we have issues and arguments and it's hard work, but we're in it. Our love makes me better and it's liberating.

 

A Letter To My Son

What better way to follow up 'A Letter To My Daughter' than with a letter to my son? My kids completely own my soul. When I was pregnant with a boy, I had a few people tell me, "Oh, he'll bring out your soft spots." And I didn't really believe them, because I already had Ashlyn, who makes my heart melt on a daily basis. I'm pretty strict with her in the disciplining field. I have no problem telling her "No." and "Because Mommy said so!" (Her father, on the other hand, has the hardest time telling her no--it's both endearing and frustrating. Ha!) Well, those people, were so right! I am such a softy for my little, Tristan! It's not like I love him more or less, it's the same love, but different. (It makes sense when you have more than one kid.) I better get it together before the age of two rolls around! Anyways, here is a letter to my sweet, 6 month old, Tristan.

Tristan,
     You turned 6 months old yesterday and I cannot believe how fast these 6 months have gone! While in labor at the hospital, waiting for your arrival; three different nurses came in to check your vitals when we first got there. Each one of them told me, "You've got a happy baby in there." I have no idea how they thought they could tell you were happy, but they were right. You are so happy, all the time. If I just make eye contact with you, your face lights up! 
     I tell people you are the wisest person I know and they kind of laugh, thinking I'm joking, but I'm not. You were born with a wise energy- an old soul. The first time you looked at me, I was like, "Whoa!" I told your Dad, I wish I could ask you a few questions, because I felt like you had the key to life! It's very intimidating, to be honest, I don't want to mess up your wiseness.
     You're rolling over now and trying to scooch along. You have a mild obsession with the packages your wipes come in. I have to hide them behind me when I change you so you stay still and don't use all your energy trying to get to those dang wipes! You want to touch everything anyone else is holding. It is quite hysterical, because I feel like your mind is ahead of your motor skills. You cannot grasp things, but want to, so bad! 
     The way you look at your sister melts my heart time and time again. She seems to be the light in your life. You crack up when she starts talking to you and then she starts laughing, because you're laughing at her and then you two are just staring at each other laughing--which makes me laugh and my heart want to explode! She loves laying next to you and letting you innately grasp her hair in your little hands. Then she yells, "Help me!" But she secretly, loves it.  
    You make me smile, Tristan. You're just a constant ray of happiness in my life right now, even though I owe all my sleep deprivation to you :). I'm enjoying our early morning coffee dates with every ounce of my being. Love you, sweet boy! -Mom

The days parenthood gets hard and frustrating, I just think about my kids. How they won't be kids for long. They're going to grow up and do amazing things and be a husband, wife, mother, father, boss, employee, student, teacher, friend, soul-mate, they're going to chase their dreams, fall in love, have their hearts broken and their values tested, they're going to create and learn lessons the hard way, they're going to live, but right now they are just my kids, that I have the luxury to spend every day with. I know I'm going to look back and have nothing but magical memories of these times, I'm working hard to appreciate the magic now.