Woman

Woman. Such a lovely word.

As I'm growing older, I'm becoming to love the privilege of being a woman. Yes, I said PRIVILEGE. While, some people, like to focus on all women lack in todays' society and compare us to men and yada yada, I'm enjoying and embracing being a woman. 

Every person has their own definition of what a woman is. As time rolls on, mine keeps changing. When I was younger, a woman was my mom. When I was a teen, a woman was just an older gal. In my early 20's, I desperately wanted to prove I was a full fledged woman and no longer a girl. Now, I just think women are truly remarkable.

One of my all- time favorite quotes is by Maya Angelou and she says, "You make me proud to spell my name w-o-m-a-n." That's what I strive to be, a woman fellow women are proud to share womanhood with. A woman that inspires other women and lifts them up. That's my goal; to be a good woman. 

So, as I sit here at 26 years of age, this is what the word "woman" means to me...

A true woman changes the room she enters.

She doesn't have to ask for respect, it is demanded just by her presence. 

She's over the days of gossip and belittling. There are such greater things to talk about.

Most days, she's simple, with little to no make up, because she is confident in her own skin, but when she dolls up, there's no comparison. 

She'll let you make a few tasteless comments, but there is a line you can cross and when you cross it, she will have no fear letting you know, doesn't matter who you are. 

She can still rock out to her favorite songs and sing at the top of her lungs.

She can laugh at herself. No one's perfect. 

She rises each day with a new hope and love for her family, that only grows stronger and stronger.

She's learned to pick her battles. 

She can enjoy a dirty martini and kicking her feet up, when the time is right.

She knows how timeless a dress and lipstick are. Those two things never go out of style.

She's not afraid of change and hard times, she's seen them, and knows she'll make it through.

She's learned to let her guard down and actually let another human being take care of her. 

She laughs unapologetically.

She lifts up other women around her. We can all be fabulous. 

She knows how to run a household and cram a million things into one day of 24 hours. 

She's supportive. At times quietly standing by and other times, loudly saying what needs to be said.

She's raw. There's no faking emotion. 

She challenges her self every day to grow and evolve and become more of a woman she would want to be. 

A woman who understands the vital softness she provides to this dark world.

Eat. Drink. And Get Married!

I really use my blog for personal epiphanies, the big life questions and motherhood, of course. I never really get too personal with what's happening day in and day out, because I feel that would be a mundane blog to read. Point being, I actually got married last month! Which, you may not have had any idea that I was even engaged or not married, seeing as I already have children. So, surprise! 

This post is about my wedding day and while, I had the most perfect day, looking back there are a few things I would have done differently or made sure had been discussed beforehand. So if you're engaged this one's for you! 

Stick to the TRUE you.
Thanks to Pinterest, The Knot, and just the good ol' world wide web in general, you can literally go crazy planning a wedding. There is a way to personalize everything at a wedding, from the chairs down to the napkins. If you browse too many of these websites, you can feel overwhelmed quick and start thinking you need place cards, a huge fancy cake, hanging chandeliers, and a $10,000 dress to make your day perfect, but most of us don't need any of that. 

Weddings have gotten this crazy hype in the 21st century. It's like who can have the biggest, best, most over the top wedding and that's not what weddings were intended for. If you're an over the top gal or guy, then go for it, but for me; I had to remind myself, I'm a truly simple being that wants a simple wedding. 

So my advice as you start to plan this magical day is: think about the essence of you and your fiancé. Capture it with a theme or color scheme. Look at Pinterest once or twice for a few ideas, but don't keep going back. Ideas will just come to you organically, from your base idea. Remember what counts and if you forget something, it obviously wasn't that important. 

Only invite people that you or your fiancé could sit and talk with for hours. 
Mine and James' wedding day was so filled with love. I could literally feel the love beaming out from James and ALL of our guests. When I walked down the aisle, I was giggling a little bit, because I could just feel all the warm wishes and love all around me. It was so so special and I think it's, because we knew everyone. And I mean knew them. Even our photographer and DJ were good friends of ours. It was so personal and made the day even more cherishable. There were a few people on my side and a few on James' side that either of us weren't too close with, but they were surely people I'd love to sit down and talk to for as long as they wanted to talk to me, because they meant so much to James. 

So I wouldn't worry about inviting your mother's fourth cousin, Billy Bob. If you have a hard time locating some one's address, they shouldn't be invited, because you obviously do not keep in touch. Invite people who have shown their support through out the years and you know, truly wish you all the best. 

Hotel Staying.
If you are staying in a hotel for your wedding, check in at least 2 days before the big day. I checked in the day before and it was a little hectic. The second I got to the resort, I was in the "I'm getting married" bliss and any stress melted away, so if I could do it over, I would have gotten there a few days earlier. 

Also, I know lots of places the cut off time for the reception is 10 pm. 10 pm comes in the blink of an eye. If at all possible, I would try to negotiate with your venue and keep the reception going until midnight or plan a place for everyone to go after (like a hotel room-haha)! I was hanging with friends, playing drinking games in my wedding gown until 3 am, and it was awesome. All my husbands best friends and all my best friends were in the same room just having a blast! 

Pick the dress YOU love and do your hair the way YOU want it.
I didn't really have an issue with this, because I'm pretty stubborn and when I want something a certain way, it sure as heck is going to go that way! But, I have a few girlfriends that did their hair a certain way, because people they care about put forth their opinions and they wanted to be respectful and courteous, but they look back and wish they had done their hair how they wanted it. I also picked my dress out all by myself, which sounds depressing, but it was nice, because I picked the dress I absolutely loved and didn't have clouded judgement by others opinions. So, just make sure your hair and make up are exactly how YOU want it, and make sure you take supportive people that realize it's not their wedding, it's yours, when picking out the dress of your life :). 


On the day.
For real, this day NEVER happens again. I almost want to cry thinking about it, because I want to go back (ha)! But seriously, everything is going to unfold and if something goes wrong, you can choose to focus on that and freak out and lose sacred moments of a spectacular day, or you can realize nothing can really go wrong on that day. All the other stuff- where the flowers are placed, how quickly the food comes out, if the candles get lit, if the power goes out on the DJ for 10 minutes during your Money Dance, if the seating chart is a little messed up, and if the strongest winds to ever grace southern California appear (all happened at my wedding)--all of that doesn't matter! 

Looking back, I can notice where things went "wrong," but on the day, I was so oblivious. It feels like a dream. The best dream ever, where ALL your loved ones are at the same spot, at the same time and you get to dance, laugh, and drink with them, all night long, whilst looking into the eyes of a person that wants to go down the road of forever with you. I mean...gosh...how could you let a little wind ruin that? Some one could have pushed me in a pool and I think I would have laughed! Point being, embrace every single moment. 


Things I'm Thankful For on the Big Day.
-No one brought any "problems" to my attention. A groomsmen's tux was delivered in the wrong color, my minister (cousin) was running a little late, and a few other little tid bits, but NO ONE told me about it, which is awesome. I was sipping on a mimosa, stress-free! 

-Getting a slurpee at 7-11 with my maid of honor at 9 am. Kept me grounded and relaxed! 

-Getting a starbucks delivered to my room, from my husband, with a cute note on it. And continuing to receive cute notes through out the day. After all, the day is just about me and him committing to one another and those little surprises kept me focused on what was important that day.

-Personally knowing my vendors and officiant. I was married by my cousin and one of my very best friends took our photos and video. It made the day even more special and real to me. I just couldn't picture a stranger speaking about how great mine and James' love was, when they would have had no actual clue. I'm very thankful it was such an intimate time from walking down the aisle til the end of the reception. 

-ALL the support I felt. I have the absolute best friends and family. People were swinging by my room all day long, while I was getting ready, and it didn't stress me out, it excited me. Everyone who came in was so warm and supportive! Especially, all my bridesmaids and maid of honor. I had the best day with them and it seemed like they were feeling the butterflies with me, which made it all the more special.

To sum it up. 
-Don't get too big for your britches. Everyone is doing their best to make your day wonderful, so don't turn into a psycho that loses friends. 

-Go with the flow. Things are going to go wrong, who cares! 

-Soak it all in. 

This day is magical. Stop and realize it :). 

Maya Angelou: A Quintessential Woman.

I woke up today, had coffee, hung out with my kids, and checked my email. BAM! "Maya Angelou passes away at 86." Tears filled my eyes, which, I thought odd, I never personally, knew her, but I felt as if I did. The way she carried out her life, inspired me. She was one of my personal heroes. Each word she spoke and wrote, sunk deep down to my core. I felt as if she got me and I got her. 

I was sad, selfishly, most of all, I always found comfort knowing Maya Angelou was walking around this planet with me. Praying for people, loving people, and spreading her beautiful words and kindness in every day life. I would miss that comfort. And plus, people you admire, you start to think the world could never be, without them. I knew Maya Angelou was old, but she was such beautiful soul, wiser than I thought one human was capable of being, certainly she couldn't pass on, but as life goes, she did. 

I know she wasn't scared of death and she's back with "All," as she put it, but the little writer within me had to pay tribute to her. As Maya Angelou said, "Writers write." So I wrote. This poem is in honor of the magnificent life and impact Maya Angelou had on me and so many others. 

-----------------

Quintessential Woman

Her skin is soft, her words strong

She has an undeniable essence that lives on

She moves people like the sea

A force so harshly powerful, yet serene

Her smile lit up this world

Causing people's evils and doubts to unfurl

They blew away in the wind

And people found their hope again

This, once caged bird, was a force to be reckoned with

Love and kindness, she made her life's pith

She turned her cage to gold

And it became priceless, nothing anyone could hold

Lessons she taught

Virtues she sought 

She was, but one woman

One woman, who stood in her conviction

Never too old or too wise to listen

One woman, who brought about change

Humanity and compassion were never estranged

One woman, who lived her life so elegantly

And saw herself in you and me

One, phenomenal woman, indeed

Our hungry hearts and souls, she helped feed

One phenomenal woman, was she.

-------------------------------

I would say rest peacefully, but I know she isn't resting. She's zippin' around, spreading some other goodness else where and she will be greatly missed down here. 

My favorite Maya Angelou quotes:

"This is a wonderful day. I've never seen this one before."

"Try to be a rainbow in some one's cloud."

"My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return."

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style."

"When you know better, you do better."

"If you get, give. If you learn, teach."

I could honestly, go on and on. This woman amazes me. Here's to Maya Angelou!!!

Addiction

Everyone hears about all sorts of diseases day in and day out, but one that is swept under the rug is addiction. I know people with addictions, initially make the decision to try the drug or drink the alcohol, but what happens after is not their choice. They have to have it. They'll fall into a black hole, hurting everyone and anything around them for the chase of that buzz. It's one of the saddest 'diseases' out there, because these people aren't willing to be treated and the people that want to help them get pushed far, far away. I've had quite a few experiences with people I love and addiction. So, I wrote about it. I guess you could call it a poem? Here it is...

You're a good woman, you're a good man
But you can't handle that liquid courage like you think everyone else can
You love your spouse, you love your kids
But you still feel guilty, because no one knows the truth of what you did
At 2 AM last night,
You were in the fight for your life
Stumbling, fumbling, and slurring your words
But with a drunken stupor, not a single sentence was heard
You try to get deep and express yourself when no one takes you seriously
Can you not find your voice without the Bacardi?

You think you're cool and smooth when you've got a good buzz
Life's easier for you, when you see it through a little fuzz
You think you hide it with your mints and toothpaste at two in the afternoon
But the person you kiss, can't be duped
They see your battle and your struggle, every single day
They hate it and cry when they're alone, but still they stay

They stay for you
But you're so blinded by your crutch
They're the first person you tear down, when you've had a little too much
They try to help you and you act like they're preachin'
You don't even notice that you're drowning and they're the only one's reachin'

They're reaching for you, they want to see you alive again
Not this version of you, that they know is pretend
People tell them lighten up, you deserve a few
But if they only knew...

If only they knew the whole story
If only they knew you, in your sober glory
They would long for that person as well
And not this being that is an empty shell
A shell of the vivacious person we once knew
Before your liquid kryptonite took you

You're a good person and you've got an addiction
We can tell you all we want, but you won't listen
It's no easy fix with some prescription

It's an endless battle, even if you're sober for years
Loved ones carry the worry, waiting for that phone call that ends in tears 

You're a good person
Please, remember you're a good person
Your dependency on alcohol; I can't think of anything worse than

We'll be here, as you fight this battle through and through
But victory will be all up to you
Let the late nights and whiskey breath be a thing of the past
You have people who truly love you and want you to lead a life that lasts

We wish you could see,  life is the only drug you need
Let the poison plant die and plant another seed
The sun will shine new on you, my friend
You will prevail in the end
Find your courage and your truth
You're bigger than adding a splash of vermouth

There is hope
We have hope
Find your hope

We will all be here to embrace you, when you're ready to cope. 

The end. 

SkyeTime: A Lifelong Dream on Pause

I don't know if any readers have noticed my 'SkyeTime' tabs on the side scroll of my blog, but I thought I should explain it. The dream, the process, and the current situation.

So, I have two younger brothers, that are pretty much, awesome. I don't laugh harder with anyone else. I was lucky to grow up with those two. My youngest brother, Zane, has a language processing disorder. It just takes him a little longer to process what people are saying and he can't pronounce words as accurately as other people. It's never been a huge issue in our family. We communicate just fine and Zane is truly a little light in this world. He's one of the happiest people I've ever met. 

Through out school, he was constantly picked on. So. Unfair. He would cry in the mornings and make up any excuse not to go to school. My immediate reaction used to be anger! Anger towards those kids making fun of my amazing, brother and anger towards Zane, like, "Why don't you stand up for yourself!!" It broke my heart, along with my parents, to see him come home time and time again defeated. My anger turned into a longing to fix the problem. 

I knew Zane was not the only kid coming home feeling all alone, feeling like something was wrong with him, feeling as if he'd never have a friend. Then it dawned on me! These kids needed each other. They needed to talk about their experiences and lean on one another. Kids who have been picked on share a tolerance for people and their differences (something we should all have). I knew if I could just get these kids together, friendships would form and I believe, one friend makes all the difference in the world. 

I'd like to take a minute to share my thoughts on the importance of friendship. Zane came from a loving home, I mean, we had our differences, but we all knew we were loved, seen, and accepted by one another, especially our parents. Props to my parentals! We've all known our self-worth from the get-go. Loving families cannot prevent a child feeling lonely, especially in the tween years! Those years they are longing for acceptance from their peers. Family acceptance doesn't cut it, they want to know they are seen, heard, and matter to the people their age; that they are relevant. That if they missed school some one would miss them. So if you're at that age, please be kind to every one around you and if you're older or younger and some one is reaching out to you; please hear them and see them. It will make all the difference.

With the longing to create a space for kids, who have been wrongfully judged, to meet and lean on one another, SkyeTime was born. It was an idea for years. Finally, my mom came to me and said, "Skye, the time is now. You're doing this." I wasn't really "ready," but I probably never would have been. My mom supported me financially, emotionally, and dream pursuing-ly throughout this whole process. She still does, along with my whole family. 

I started SkyeTime when I was pregnant with my first child, Ashlyn. Since then I have created another human being, known as Tristan. To say my life is chaotic and uncertain would be an understatement. While I'm doing the same  thing every day, big pieces of my life are constantly moving. The major two being where we're going to end up settling down and my fiance's career and where that will lead us. My two little humans own my soul and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

For almost two years, I've been doing both SkyeTime and mothering and trying to be an awesome fiance and growing as a human being. SkyeTime has gone amazing! We have a community that is slowly, growing and I could not be more grateful. My kids are happy and healthy. I have literally given it my all. All I can give at this point in my life.

I began to notice, at the end of the day I would feel a little empty and it worried me. I have a beautiful family and am chasing my life long dream. Then I realized I was spreading myself thin, so even though I was doing everything I wanted, I wasn't doing it to my full potential. That irked me. I wasn't giving 100% into all aspects of my life and that is not the way to live. I wanted to do everything, which I was, but nothing was getting the true, attention it deserved. Me, my kids, or SkyeTime.

Something had to give, and the conclusion I've come to is that I must push pause on SkyeTime. My children will only be this tiny for a short number of years. I need to pour my all and everything into them and these years. I am not giving up on my dream. I am simply, pushing pause. Throwing it out to the universe and seeing what comes of it, until I can pursue this dream with reckless abandon! 

Our online community will still, most definitely, be intact and our members can always  reach me. I still believe in the mission and the dream of SkyeTime, but putting it on hold until I can dedicate the amount of energy and time it deserves and the members deserve, is whats right, I feel it in my bones. Thank you if you have ever believed in SkyeTime and what it stands for! 

You can still head over to SkyeTime.com to check it out and go to facebook.com/SkyeTime and 'Like' us for support (just click the links in the sidebar-super easy)! 

I am always open to comments, suggestions, opinions, or thoughts on avenues SkyeTime can take, so please don't hesitate to contact me via this blog, SkyeTime or personal email @ skye.a.mcneill@gmail.com. 

Here are some snapshots of SkyeTime and the community we started to create:

Things I Know For Sure

It's easy to get all caught up in a thing called 'life.' To let other people's standards morph into your own and stray from the core of who you are or who you want to be. It's hard to be mindful every day about your life. Lots of us get caught up in just going through the motions. 

Sometimes it's nice to just take a minute and write down things you know for sure about yourself, your life, and where you want to be. You know, just reaffirm yourself, who you are, and what the heck you're doing and why you're doing it. So here is my list of things I know for sure, at this point in my life, this list could be completely different come tomorrow, because that's how life is! 

1.Being a mom, and a good one at that, is my best accomplishment and probably will be for the rest of my life.

2. A sunset never gets old.

3. The word "fag" has no room in my vocabulary and makes me cringe when spoken by others. Yeah, I'm one of those people.

4. I will never be a morning person, even when I have my little humans waking me up at the crack of dawn, I am not fully awake and aware until about 10 am. 

5. I'm a summer girl. Warm breezes, the smell of a body of water, and tan lines will always make my heart flutter.

6. Putting my spirituality in one religious box doesn't work for me.

7. I am so fortunate for my wonderful family. Cousins, brothers, parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. These people have been the highlight of my life. 

8. Profanity will never just roll off my tongue. Sometimes I wish it would, but it is just so unnatural for me. I don't know why. 

9. Classic Rock-n-Roll will always remind me of riding in the car with my Dad and iced-tea will always remind me of my Mom. 

10. Nature is my church. A good hike and breath of fresh air makes me feel connected.

11. Avocado and or garlic powder make everything extra delicious. 

12. Gratitude's the attitude! Being grateful really brings more into your life. It's almost like science, it really works!  

To sum it up: love, family, and gratitude are three things I'm absolutely sure of, this far in my life.

Oh, and tulips are my favorite flower. I know that for sure too :) 

What do you know for sure? 

25 Mind Blowers at 25.

At the age of 25, with 26 rapidly approaching, there are lots of norms in my life that I would have never seen coming! It's nice to sit back and take a moment to look at your life in 'awe,' every once in a while. Good awes and bad awes, but mostly the awe in which nothing is how you had it planned. 

At 25 I never thought I'd...

1. Own so much burnt orange. Thanks a lot University of Texas Longhorns. 

2. Have two children. TWO. Whoa! Amazing!

3. Live in Texas. I always wanted to move, but Texas never crossed my mind. Ha!

4. Be engaged! I thought I was on the fast track to not getting married well into my thirties.

5. Be content, most of the time. I have days I'm very eager to buy a house, take off in a career other than motherhood and pursue my dreams with reckless abandon, but most days, I am perfectly content with where I'm at in life and that surprises me.

6. Be into working out. I always took full advantage of my naturally fast metabolism and muscle memory from my soccer playing back in the day, but now I want to take care of my body and actually enjoy working out.

7. Want to eat healthy. I always gave my mom a hard time for buying organic foods or almond milk and she said, "When you have kids, you'll get it." Mom was right again. You want to give the best to your kids and then you start thinking about the crap you're giving to your own body and want to be a healthier person. 

8. Write so much. I've always loved writing, but now realize what a key part of my life it is. It helps me navigate through the world.

9. Have already travelled to foreign countries. I always "planned" to travel, but never made concrete ways to do it and I've been blessed with opportunities just popping up in my face allowing me to visit lots of different countries before I was even 23!

10. Be absolute best friends with my parents. I've always had a good relationship with my parents, but never dreamed of the awesome friendship we would have at my age now. It's priceless.

11. Enjoy cooking. I didn't even like making peanut butter and jellies for myself before I had kids, now I love cooking and trying new recipes. 

12. Not own a home. That was pretty high on my priorities list when planning my life. I wanted a house ASAP. People make a place a 'home,' so for now I've got all the home I need.

13. Still not know how to do my hair and make up. Yep, never refined those skills. Still try, but don't really seem to get any better at it.  

14. Be spiritually in touch. I feel I'm really getting to the roots of my soul, which I never would have even guessed I'd be aware of at this age.

15. Be up by 7 am almost every, single day. I loooooved sleeping in.

16. Still be so stubborn. Ugh, this is a hard one for me, but at least I recognize it :). Ha.  

17. Feel great about age! I'm looking forward to aging gracefully. No plastic up in here.

18. Be a plane ride away from my family. It's a toughie. Not a day goes by that I don't miss them. I always pictured us just a short car drive away. 

19. Drink so much coffee. Every. Single. Day. I didn't even drink coffee until I was 21 years old.

20. Be so brave. I, legitimately, think I can do anything I set my mind to and I'm not scared to pursue things!  If you told me I'd be this way when I was 18, I wouldn't have believed you. I couldn't even hack it in San Francisco city by myself. Now I have a family, I'm in a fairly new place, I've made the initial steps in pursuing life-long dreams and I ain't scuuured. :)

21. Know how important compassion is. I've always been a "nice" person, but showing people true compassion is a major key to life, in my own little world anyways. 

22. Be prepping meals, ironing men's dress shirts, and making a weekly schedule of chores. I am on top of it--or at least have a schedule I try to follow to stay on top of it. At 25, I thought I'd be living in Rome, eating pasta every night, by myself. But I prep meals and iron shirts and share everything with 3 beautiful souls that Rome can never stack up to. 

23. Not own a dog. A house and a puppy. That was what my life was going to be by 25. Nope! Apartment and babies--that's what it is :). 

24. Be a stay-at-home mom. I thought I'd be conquering some business world, but I am so fortunate to have the opportunity to stay home with my little ones and wouldn't have it any other way. It really is the hardest job in the world and if you're a dude reading this, or a woman who thinks its "not that hard to press play on the DVD player," I invite you to my home for 2 days. 48 hours straight. You, kids, and the clock. You'll be singing a different tune way before your 48 hours is up! 

25. Have a blog and be sharing personal information with the "world." Or the 5 people that actually read my blog. (Haha). It's a journey and I'm loving it and I hope in sharing my stories and feelings, a positive community grows! 

When it comes down to it, I thought my life would happen in a perfect, sequential order. It's quite hilarious thinking about it now. Life throws you surprises, beautiful surprises! Life begins when you let go and see what happens. Blow in the breeze a bit. The wind will take you to far better places than you can even imagine! 

Snapshots of my 25th year:

Whatever age you're at, did you ever think you'd be where you are? Isn't it cray cray?