While, I was 'out there', I happened to fall in love, to who I thought was "the one." I waited a long time to give my heart away. I didn't even have a boyfriend until I was 18 years old, because I wanted it to be something special, something I thought would last a life time.
Welp, it didn't work out. Which, now finding James, I can see why. At the time though, my whole world came crashing down. This person had been everything to me. All of "our" plans, which ended up being only my plans, were what I was building my life around. I waited for a long, long time to even enter into a relationship. I was one of those hopeless romantics that wanted to be with one person forever. When it ended, I was dumb-founded. How could this not have worked? I had no plan B.
My world was in shambles. I hadn't been alone and thinking completely for myself for four years. Frankly, I was scared. It's weird being so wrapped up in something when you're young- you give it 100% all the time and accidentally only give about 50% of yourself to everything else. Now I had to give all of me in everything else and it was a foreign, uncomfortable feeling. I became an empty case of the person I truly was. I needed something to cleanse my heart, set me free, and help me "find myself."
The only thing that came to mind was a road trip. A road trip, alone. I had been wanting to go on a road trip for years, but could never get any one's schedule to coincide with mine, so I never ended up going. I was done waiting. I was going! Looking back, I was out to prove something to myself. Nothing was going to stop me from this trip. Not even the car mechanic telling me my car needs $1200 worth of work or it might blow up. I had faith in my ol' Camry and left that same day. (I made it with no car problems at all and got it fixed when I returned).
This was back in my college years, so I had friends all over the place. I decided to head up the coast of California. My route was Santa Barbara, San Francisco, and then Chico and back. 6 days with just me and the road and dear friends in between. My friends had no idea how much their company meant to me during this time.
Through out the trip, I drank a little too much, cried here and there, got lost an appropriate amount of times, stopped when I saw a view I just couldn't drive by, drunk dialed the person I was breaking free from (whoops!), drove 5 miles per hour in a hail storm, smiled at strangers, took lots of pictures, laughed uncontrollably with great friends, and realized I was going to be alright.
That road trip started the process of my heart healing. I felt more whole when I returned. I did it, all by myself. I drove 1200 miles round trip. It was a personal triumph that gave me the courage to just be me. To give myself fully to everything in life and hold my arms wide open for whatever the universe wanted me to receive.
With arms wide open; I went on a cruise that same summer and my world was changed forever. The universe had a whole lot more planned for my love story than I did. It's a lot more magical than if I had planned it myself. That'll have to be another post though.
If you're feeling trapped, looking for more meaning in your life, or just broke up with some one and are feeling devastated, I think a solo-road trip might be the right medicine for you. You'll discover things along the road you had no intention on even facing. You'll feel free and that's one of the best feelings in the world. Leave it all behind and hit the open road! I guarantee you'll feel rejuvenated when returning.
Pictures from my trip. (Sorry for the horrible quality and gross selfies. But ya gotta do whatchya gotta do on the road :) ).
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