Using TWO hands:
That paragraph above took me about 15 minutes to write, because I'm typing with one hand, because there is a 5 month old baby in my lap trying to eat the keyboard. Babies like to be held all the time. It's magical and inconvenient. You'll learn to cook, type, pick up your other kids, vacuum, write, hug, fold, and eat with ONE hand. Enjoy the days of two hand usage! Ah, the glory days.
Sitting down at a table to eat meals:
You'll be eating at the kitchen counter as fast as you can once your baby arrives. Especially, once your baby has grown into a toddler. Lord knows what they could get into while you try to eat your meal. The only meals James and I actually sit down and enjoy are dinner and that's at about 9pm now a days, because we have to do it once the kids are in bed! Enjoy sitting in that chair and slowly eating each bite with no rush. Eat every meal at a table for God sakes; for all the moms out there dreaming of a hot meal on a table!
Eating any kind of sweets without hiding:
This pertains more to toddlers as well. They want EVERYTHING you eat; especially candy. Appreciate eating a piece of candy, standing up, proudly. Once you have kids, you'll be hunched over behind something eating your candy bar as fast as you can shamefully. You'll feel guilty for not sharing with your precious little human, but you deserve a candy bar to yourself, dangit!
Blasting music with bad words and bad moral messages:
Once you have kids you pay attention to the lyrics in the songs you used to get down to in your car. And you realize songs that say "smack that all on the floor," "Grey Goose got your girl feelin' loose," and "Bands a make her dance" are not messages you want to send to your sons and daughters, unless you "roll" like that, in which case, turn it up! But most likely,
you'll be listening to Disney radio and country for what feels like eternity. Enjoy your degrading music blasting and gangsta car dancing while you can! Soak it up! Lean your chair waaay back for full effect and appreciation.
Not being abused:
Your kids will never intentionally try to hurt you, at this age anyways, but they will on accident. I've been clawed, smacked, bitten, pinched, and had my hair pulled too many times to count. Enjoy your days with no little person abusing you. You get to go through a whole day without physical pain inflicted upon you by a person a tenth of your size.
Visiting some one and knowing they really wanted to see you:
Once you have kids, your life is ALL about them. And if you have great, genuine people in your life, they're going to want to see your babies all the time! Especially, your parents. They could care less about you and how you're doing. They just want to know what their precious grand babies are doing. Going anywhere, everyone will ask, "Are you bringing so and so?" Of course you are, you wouldn't have a lunch date without them, because no one wants to see you without your beautiful babies, for the most part. So soak up knowing that people want to see you and are asking how you're doing and you should enjoy answering without revolving every answer around your kids, because once you have kids, some one will ask you about the weather and your answer will be about how much your daughter loves the rain. It's just sad.
Washing, drying, and putting away the laundry in the SAME day:
This is such a rare occurrence for me now that I have two kids. I am so proud of myself if I wash the clothes and get them in the dryer in the same day. I'm like, "YES! No wet clothes left in the machine today! Ha-ha!" I'm learning to not get ahead of myself. I don't start another load of laundry unless I'm certain I'm going to have the energy and time to fold the dried clothes. Look how long this section on laundry is. That is self-explanatory right there. Just enjoy doing your laundry and defeating it all in one day. Be a laundry queen or king, because soon there will be so much laundry you can't even keep up with it. Laundry will own you.
Then, there are the things everyone will tell you to enjoy and there's a reason every person tells you the same thing. So instead of rolling your eyes, take serious initiative to enjoy these things:
Staying up late and sleeping in. Watching adult TV shows during the day. Running errands ANY time you want all by yourself. A clean house. Dates. Taking a shower whenever you want for as long as you want. Only needing one cup of coffee in the morning. Spending money on yourself. Adult interaction and conversation.
If you don't enjoy these things while you can, don't believe us, and eye-roll whenever you get free advice from people who are already parents--we will be laughing hysterically when that baby turns your world upside down and you're like "Shoot, they were right!"
Enjoy, my childless friends. You are in the days of free-time!
This is what all your time should look like right now.
Because, soon, even your "vacations" will look like this...
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